Attending to the Little Things

Stephen Covey writes about the importance of little acts of kindness in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Here is the excerpt from the book:

The little kindness and courtesies are so important. Small discourtesies, little unkindnesses, little forms of disrespect make large withdrawals. In relationships, the little things are the big things.

I remember an evening I spent with two of my sons some years ago. It was an organized father and son outing, complete with gymnastics, wrestling matches, hot dogs, orangeade, and a movie -- the works.

In the middle of the movie, Sean, who was then four years old, fell asleep in his seat. His older brother, Stephen, who was six, stayed awake, and we watched the rest of the movie together. When it was over, I picked Sean up in my arms, carried him out to the car and laid him in the back seat. It was very cold that night, so I took off my coat and gently arranged it over and around him. 

When we arrived home, I quickly carried Sear in and tucked him into bed. After Stephen put on his "jammies' and brushed his teeth, I lay next to him to talk about the night out together. 

"How'd you like it, Stephen?"
"Fine," he answered.
"Did you have fun?"
"Yes."
"What did you like most?"
"I don't know. The trampoline , I guess."
"That was quite a thing, wasn't it -- doing those somersaults and tricks in the air like that?"

There wasn't much response on his part. I found myself making conversation. I wondered why Stephen wouldn't open up more. He usually did when exciting things happened. I was a little disappointed. I sensed something was wrong; he had been so quiet on the way home and getting ready for bed.

Suddenly Stephen turned over on his side, facing the wall. I wondered why and lifted myself up just enough to see his eyes welling up with tears.

"What's wrong, honey? What is it?"

He turned back, and I could sense he was feeling some embarrassment for the tears and his quivering lips and chin.

"Daddy, if I were cold, would you put your coat around me, too?"

Of all the events of that special night out together, the most important was a little act of kindness -- a momentary, unconscious showing of love to his little brother.

What a powerful, personal lesson that experience was to me then and is even now. People are very tender, very sensitive inside. I don't believe age or experience makes much difference. Inside, even within the most toughened  and calloused exteriors, are the tender feelings and emotions of the heart.